decisions

I can't make decisions. Not on my own anyway. It's always easier when there is someone else who agrees, to encourage me, or even better, to make the decision for me. I'm like those two vultures: "What do you want to do?" "I don't know. What do you want to do?" "I don't know. I asked you first..." Etc.

I have until the 4th of April to reply to my Ontario university choices, one way or another. That leaves me 18 days, not including the postage time. It should be no surprise when I tell you that I really can't decide.

Of course, I still have the two I got offers from here in England; UCAS form, I only had three choices and all of them were pretty high in the ranking table. On the college councillor’s advice, I decided to try and fill out the other three choices. I put down Kings College, because it was in London, and East Anglia because they had an English/Creative writing joint programme and a fairly good reputation. I'd never been to either (shun my bad geography skills, but I didn't even know where Norwich was) and didn't have the prospectuses for either. 6 months ago, I could remove myself from the possibility of not getting into at least one of my first three choices.

Did you know, in the U.K. English applications were up 12% on last year?

So, while I'm pleased to have gotten decent offers from both Kings College and East Anglia, there's that nagging feeling that I really didn't even choose those. I picked names of a Sunday Times newspaper clipping because then it didn't matter as much then.

Luckily, I don't have to tell them yet. UCAS allows me to hold two offers until I get my results, one firm, and one insurance; so there are my two. That gives me another 4 months.

McGill doesn't want a decision until I get my results.

Ontario universities are the problem though. Yes, I'm more prepared for these; I've been to all of them (minus the university of Toronto, but I know the city, and they aren't being very good about sending me information, so with -18 days, I'm not going to worry about them), and I've got the prospectuses. So I've got to consider; Queens, Western and Wilfred Laurier. (Yeah, so I put them alphabetically...No decisions remember)

Queens, I can't say much for or against. I don't remember being to Kingston before the summer. Really nice campus but the area around it wasn't all that beautiful. Of course, I only saw one set of streets on the taxi ride to and from the train station. The admissions person who talked to me about the English programme made it sound really good, but that's his job isn't it?

I can't remember having been in London before either, but I know people (vaguely) who went to Western. Again, I didn't see much other than the campus, which was really nice too. It's also a very big university considering the school I'm going to now has less than 300 people from junior kindergarten until grade twelve. According to 'Adam' who gave the tour, I don't have to decide my major right away so that makes any insecurity about course choices easier. My mother also reminds me that we have family who live near London, so it's not like I'd be completely stranded (not that I'm too worried about that).

Laurier is an interesting choice for me. Both my parents went there and I know a lot of people who went there (granted they all took the commerce programmes, but still.) I also know the area fairly well because my grandparents live really near-by in Kitchener. My mother mentions the family again here, but then again, aunts and uncles are different then grandparents, especially mine. It's also a smaller university than the others, although I honestly can't say how much a difference size makes to me.

Really, I don't know much. Even what I've gone through above has next to nothing to do with the universities themselves. My parents tell me that it doesn't matter where you go, but what you do there, and I know that's true. It just doesn't make the decision any easier right now, and with 18 days, it's got to be made soon.

After that, I've got to consider what country. My family is staying here, at least for another couple of years. I know my parents are looking to get a house somewhere else in London, because the dealing with the landlords and a changing neighbourhood is getting a bit much. And I do love living here, I really do. I'd be deluding myself though if I said I understood British schools, because I'm in an International School, and there is only one English person in my grade. Not that I've been in a Canadian high school either. And really, it doesn't matter.

See, I can make up issues to make my decisions, but it never helps. I'm just making things harder for myself by getting all wound up over this. It doesn't help when everyone else seems to know.

I'm not writing this to get answers from anyone, because the only person I should rely on to choose is myself. I'm just hoping to see this muddle of thoughts written out might help to clear my mind.

Laura | 22:14